How to get a girl even after rejection
Yesterday I went out with a guy I mentor, and he asked to watch me do some direct daytime approaches. I scouted around for a while, and saw a really cute girl walking along, wearing a blue blouse and big sunglasses, apparently looking for a taxi, her cell phone in hand. I'm Chase," I finished. She waved me off again.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 5 Reasons Women Reject You and HOW to FIX it…
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Exactly What To Do When You Get Rejected (Gets You More Women)Content:
How to Overcome Rejection
Yesterday I went out with a guy I mentor, and he asked to watch me do some direct daytime approaches. I scouted around for a while, and saw a really cute girl walking along, wearing a blue blouse and big sunglasses, apparently looking for a taxi, her cell phone in hand. I'm Chase," I finished. She waved me off again. I walked next to her, matching her stride.
She smiled, turned her head away, and waved me off again. Smiling, laughing -- now we just need some actual 2-way communication going on. She continued smiling, and turned her head away again. Now she was crossing the street, still looking for a taxi, her phone still in-hand. I let her go. My friend and mentee later asked me a good question off of this. His question was: " How do you deal with rejection like that? This is one of the most important points I stress with newer guys, because I realized the mentality in myself a few years back -- and then I noticed it in everyone else.
There's a fascinating term called metacognition. It is, roughly, thinking about thinking. When you sit and ask yourself, "Wait, why am I thinking this? Why do I feel this way? When you turn the magnifying glass inward while you're feeling rejected, you'll notice fairly quickly why rejection stings: it's because you feel like this girl is saying you're not wanted.
It's because she seems to be rejecting you. You've been deemed "not good enough. I realized this fully while going through a bad breakup with an ex-girlfriend.
As I analyzed the breakdown of the relationship, I realized that she'd ended up feeling, by my own mistakes and actions, as if she "wasn't good enough" for me And I realized this is one of the deepest, most soul-wrenching feelings a person can have; to feel that someone -- especially someone who knows her well -- has rejected her as unworthy at a very primal level.
I got back together again for a time with that ex-girlfriend, for various reasons, but one of the primary ones being to go through a healing period; I wanted us to end on good terms, and I wanted her to understand it wasn't that she wasn't good enough for me.
As I came to comprehend how viscerally she'd felt, it also opened my eyes about rejection in general. And I realized how the rejection men feel when women turn them down is a lesser form of the bad-breakup-rejection feeling: they feel like they've been found insufficient. That's why you see so many men get hurt and angry upon rejection. That's why men in Bangladesh throw acid on the faces of women who've rejected them; that's why men in some parts of Africa forcibly kidnap and rape women who turn them down as husbands.
It feels insulting at a level that goes beyond almost anything else a person can experience. But the thing is -- that anger and insult is terribly misguided. Because it isn't you that a woman's rejecting -- it's your approach to her, your presentation of yourself, how you come across in that split second when she's first assessing you.
And ever have an on-day where you've got the Midas touch -- where everything you come into contact with turns into gold? I like to use the example that you can go out and meet a girl on an off-day and she won't want to talk to you at all, but you could go out another day when everything's going your way and you're feeling great and meet the same girl and she'll be all over you.
The point of that example is, you're the same, and she's the same, but her reactions are worlds apart, simply because you are feeling and acting differently. When a woman is rejecting you, she typically isn't rejecting "you. It may be the fact that you would've been the most amazing man of her entire life -- and she dismissed you outright and missed out on the best thing she ever could've had.
But that doesn't mean you ought to be angry with her for it. Nor does it mean you ought to feel ashamed for going up to talk to her. It just means you didn't come off the right way. What happens when you fail to strike the right tone with a girl? Any of the following can happen:. Nowhere in there does she take time to get to know you or consider you or find out if the two of you are a good match.
She has no idea if you are or not. She's responding at an instinctual level to a gut-feeling; it's a knee-jerk reaction, and a self-reinforcing one -- once a woman's felt herself react a certain way, she tends to stick to it. This is why pre-opening tends to be so effective; it eases women into responding to you warmly first, before anything else happens.
And when you jump into the interaction, she's going to stick to that early reaction and be warm with you. Even when we're not talking opening -- even later in an interaction, with a girl who, say, tells you she just wants to be friends -- again this is about gut-level feelings.
The guy who gets told a girl just wants him as a friend failed to strike the right emotional, instinctual feelings an attractive guy strikes, and the girl pushed back. And that's what it's really all about. But now that you have an understanding of your own feelings and girls' feelings during a rejection, how do you use that understanding to deal with the situation a girl rejecting you? In fact, there are a few mindsets -- and a few actions -- that are going to take you a long way in dealing with it better and bouncing back after the fact.
A quick list of the key ways to improve your "resilience" -- the ability you have to bounce back from a rejection or a crash-and-burn with a cute girl:. Everything is a skill. I've known guys who were amazing at opening, but couldn't get a girl in bed to save their lives. And I've known guys who were stellar closers, but couldn't open for jack. Personally, I'm somewhere in the middle, admittedly more on the closer side of things -- opening I do all right, especially with certain kinds of women, but I'm a rather polarizing guy and I come off very strongly, which makes lots of girls feel a little nervous or intimidated around me initially without a nicer or more friendly wingman to take the edge off first, or if I don't properly pre-open.
But once I'm in, things tend to go consistently very well. If women aren't opening, that means that's a skill you need to work on. You could be a movie-star-good-looking, Rhodes-scholarship-having, catch-of-the-century Mr. Right type of man, but if you haven't developed the skill to open you'll find yourself continually frustrated and floundering while approaching. Women don't open with any degree of consistency to men who haven't built up that skill.
Further, it's situational, too. Most guys I know who do great in nightclubs struggle with daytime. Most guys I know who do great in daytime struggle in nightclubs. And guys who are great in-person can be atrocious online, and vice versa. And that brings us to our second point: what works for some girls in some situations won't always work for others. If you go direct on a very beautiful, confident girl, and you come on strong and powerfully, she may be flattered and excited to meet you.
If you do the same thing to a girl who's only somewhat cute and not accustomed to that kind of attention, however, she may very well buckle under the pressure and bow out of the interaction early on. Similarly, if you try to play down your interest in a gorgeous girl when she clearly knows what's up, she'll think less of you, and if you are overly loud in a quiet area or too quiet in a loud area, there'll be a disconnect.
When you find yourself opening well in some situations and not well in others, you need to make "tweaks" : you need to find the situational differences and calibrate for them in your approach. The final piece of the puzzle is understanding that meeting girls really is quite often a numbers game. As you get comfortable in a certain environment and good at picking up signals, you tend to get better at picking out which girls are looking for what you have to offer and meeting them.
Regardless where you are in your development though, it never stops being a numbers game. Even as your close rate goes up, you still need different women in play to have consistent success. Even as your base attraction increases, you still need to meet a number of women to find the ones who are most attracted to you, and most open to your advances.
Some types of women are going to be low percentage opportunities; they just aren't likely to convert into anything substantial. The thing about a numbers game is If you go out and meet four or five women, it's likely that may not turn into much unless you're opening highly targeted girls.
But if you go out and meet fifteen, twenty, twenty-five women or more, chances are you're going to meet one or two girls things go well with. For me, back when I was frequently doing outings where I'd meet lots of girls, I found my rough hit rate to be about 1 out of That meant that on an average night, I'd have to talk to between 10 and 15 girls to find one I could move things forward with reliably. It changes the way you look at opening, and the way you handle rejection. It allows you to go a long way toward beating approach anxiety , and it makes going out to meet girls a lot less stressful and a lot more fun.
Trust me, life is not serious. I spent most of my life believing it was serious, but nowadays I don't know about you, but I'm going to focus on doing the things I want to do while I'm here. So if you've been letting a few girls waving you off stop you from meeting the girls who'll positively jump at meeting you Life's short.
Get out there, pay the women who don't want you no mind, and keep saying "hi" to girls until you find one who likes you as much as you like her. Pretend to cry. Smack a mildly amused grin on your face and shrug your eyebrows, as if to say, "Does this girl really understand what she just missed out on?
Then go get back on the saddle and meet some more girls. Basically, just poke a little fun at the situation and then soldier on; because, remember Let the dismissive people go dismiss each other, and go find the cool girls who want to get to know you.
Chase woke up one day in tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating.
After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends plus plenty of failures along the way , he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System. Skip to main content.
How to Act When a Girl Rejects You
I was recently asked about the best way to respond when a woman rejects you, and this is actually a fantastic question that gets to the heart of being an attractive man. How did this happen? So how can I help you get predictable results?
I spent months and months trying to get over her… but now just 2 weeks ago… I finally met a new girl who made me feel better about myself. Our first chat was about hours long. She is very smart. She nurtured me and helped me get over my break up.
She Rejected Me But Still Acts Interested! 7 Reasons Why!
The fear of rejection has ruined the dating lives of a lot of men. But when a guy learns how to overcome rejection, then he no longer has to fear it. Instead he can take rejection in stride and simply move on to the next girl that sparks his interest. One of the reasons rejection by a girl hurts so much is because guys take it personally. Furthermore, there are a million reasons why a girl will reject a guy that have nothing to do with him or his approach. For example, here are a few instances of why a girl might reject a guy that have nothing to do with him personally:. When it comes to how to overcome rejection, it can help to look at past rejections from women in this new perspective. When you see your past rejections by women in this light, it can ease that pain of rejection and make it so you no longer fear rejection by a woman. FYI a similar idea of how changing perspectives can lead you to become a more confident, charismatic person who has an easy time connecting with women was touched on in the episode of Pickup Podcast with Oliva Fox Cabane. After getting rejected a guy will often focus on the rejection in a negative way.
Dealing with Rejection
Click to talk to a trained teen volunteer. Getting rejected can be hard. It can make you sad, hurt, surprised, or angry. In general, getting rejected rarely feels good.
Rejection hurts, but you can avoid making it worse. It's embarrassing, it can bruise your ego , and it's disappointing. The future that you thought you might have with them has been ripped out of your hands and that is never going to feel good. It's totally natural to want to comfort yourself in moments like these.
1 Technique To GUARANTEE You Will NEVER Be Rejected By Women
There is no other. Anyone who says there is a magic formula for avoiding rejection is trying to sell you snake oil. The list of reasons women have rejected men are both varied and hilarious. To get a small but wonderful same of these far-reaching reasons, I polled a small selection of my beautiful female friends.
Not too long ago, I ran into this issue when I had to cancel a first date with a guy I'd connected with on Hinge. I took the answer for what it was and moved on, assuming he would too. Until the next day, and the next, and the next…. When that's threatened by an outside source, they tend to fight for it—also as a way to re-prove their manliness. Here are stories from 10 other women on when men totally freaked out by rejection, too.
How to Respond When a Girl Rejects You: 15 Ways to Be the Bigger Man
Rejection isn't easy, but just because a girl doesn't want a relationship doesn't mean you can't still be friends. Learning to see her as a friend will take some time and work on your part, and it may not be easy. Once you get through this process, though, you'll realize that instead of losing a romantic partner, you actually have gained a friend and that this friendship can have a positive impact on your life and hers! John Keegan. Our Expert Agrees: Unfortunately, rejection is something many of us have to face in life.
The first part deals with the techniques on what to do when a girl rejects you, the second part the theory of rejection -what makes rejection harder to change and what makes them easier to turn around-. Never get a no in the first place. She granted you that position and got used to answering yes and to invest more and more.
She rejected me but still acts interested: What does it mean? A woman has rejected you but she still wants your attention. She might text you, flirt with you , or even intentionally lead you on and leave you feeling extremely frustrated. I get it.
Y ou gathered all your courage, the night was going great, you thought there was a connection, so you closed your eyes and leaned in for the kiss BUT she pulled back — flat out rejected you. Can I have your phone number? But thank you. T here are women and there are girls.